Bob.

At the request of a good friend, the name of this post is just that – a name. Perhaps an ostentatious title such as, say, ‘Sea Lord Lemuel Ferdinand of Pimm’ would have been better. Certainly seems like the name of some gregarious chap, I’d bet he wears a spiffing monocle and carries a cane... Anyway, it has a quaint charm, but that’s by that literary bye – which brings me to the crux of today’s ramble; the weird and wonderful wordery that is the English language. Other than being rather handily spoken in oh, let’s say, three out of the four corners of the globe, and probably that bit in the middle as well, English is a remarkable little series of signifiers and signifieds, sounds and meanings, rules and (more often than not) exceptions... It is delectable and marvellous and somehow utterly bewildering all at once. Think, if you will, about the following little morsels: 

• ‘I read a book.’ Did you imagine it to be present or past?  
• ‘I live here’ vs. ‘A live concert’ – same word, no?
• Though/thought – why does that ‘t’ change the way it’s said?
• Sunday morning/Sundae morning – or maybe both would be nice...
• They’re over there reading their books. – beware the Grammar Nazis should you muddle! 
• Scone – need I say more?! 

I was also flabbergasted (oh yes indeed) to learn of the magical word ‘ghoti’, to be pronounced either ‘fish’ using the gh in tough, o in women, ti in nation; or silently using the gh in although, o in people, t in ballet, and i in business. Such deceit! Such trickery! And yet it doth follow our very own rules – how are we to negate either form?! Such tomfoolery. 

Indeed, English oft seems to dance to its own tune. I’m not one to quibble it, it’s more fun to admit bemusement and marvel at its puzzles - but why there can’t be crannies without nooks I will never know. Next time you happen across an intriguing word or phrase, savour it like a boiled sweet rolling around your tongue - ‘discombobulated’ is a good one for size! 

I, on the other hand, shall just content myself with living for the day when I actually see someone waltz into a room...